Starting a new entry after New Year is always a little difficult. The end of year post is great for reflecting and setting new goals, but the first real posting of the year is hard because a month isn’t nearly enough time to affect change. Not that there is much change I wish to affect upon myself, I’d just like to come into this with a, “Hey, guess what?! Someone dropped a huge fortune into my bank account and I’m now travelling the world for the foreseeable future!”
But that hasn’t happened, and life goes on. I spent two weeks on the university campus alone, more or less, which was nice. It was quiet; I didn’t feel like I was caged with hundreds of chickens, but it was also a little spooky at times. Imagine a big city suddenly being vacated except for maybe a handful of people. That’s what a university campus is like during a long break, it’s very zombie-apocalypse-esque.
The week before classes began, students started to return in small numbers. It was also around this time that the anniversary of my friend Matt’s death came around, and here I was, nearly 200 miles away from home, away from friends and family, all alone. I knew it was coming. I thought I’d be able to cope with it. But on the day, a Friday, I began to feel the urge to go home and see them all. It was only made worse by waking up at the same time I got the call 2 years ago to say he had passed away. So at 6pm I jumped on a train and arranged to meet my friends at our regular bar for a night of drunken shenanigans. Being home alleviated the sadness I had felt all day. Just by being able to see familiar faces, familiar spaces, gave me a lot of comfort. We drank, we reminisced. Good times were had celebrating his memory.
After that night I was fine and just wanted to go back to the university, but I decided to spend the Saturday with my family and travel back on Sunday. I don’t know if this is sad, but I also wanted to spend a bit of time with my cats. One of my cats, Woody, recently had surgery after I found a lump on his jaw over the Christmas break. Woody is 11 years old. He’s getting on, and I know he might only have a few years left in him. It’s really funny how a pet can become like family, y’know? He had to return of surgery last week, and they managed to remove the lump in its entirety due to it not being cancerous. It was a huge relief, and he seems to be recovering well.
In other news, a friend I made at the university called me up to see if I’d be interested to house share with him and 4 others after one of their party had dropped out. Up to this point I had been looking into getting a place by myself. I thought I’d enjoy the space and the peace after living on campus for 9 months. It was pointed out to me however by my ex-paramour that I’d enjoy the peace for a limited time before I realise that I need to be around people to keep me sane and grounded. I don’t see myself as a social person, and infact view my social skills as being still in a debilitated state after my last major episode three and a half years ago, but there is something to be said about compounding loneliness with living alone.
So I took the guys up on their offer, and asked for a viewing of the property. I hate to say this, but I think it’s probably the best decision I could have made. My room is perfectly situated, the space in the house is much bigger than I thought we’d get for the cost of rent, and the house itself is in fantastic condition with all the mod cons. We even get to move in at the end of June when the contract for campus accommodation ends, which is what I was looking for. So everything is awesome. Almost. I’m now under pressure to find work to cover my living costs between June and September, as none of the loans will be in until the start of the second year. And that’s fine. I knew this is what I’d have to do. So while I don’t have to worry about finding accommodation for next year now, I can focus on looking for work… Well, if I can find to focus on looking for work.
This new term at uni looks like it’s going to be tougher than the last. Of the 2 modules I’m doing, one is 100% coursework and involves making a short film, whilst the other module is focused on the theoretical elements of film. After two weeks of Film Theory I’m legitimately worrying whether any of it will stick in my head for the exam in the summer, let alone for the essay due in a few months.
I’m not panicking just yet, though. My ego is still telling me that I’m one of the best students in the class, and whilst that’s inflated it means I know that if I’m struggling with the comprehension then the others must be too, and that’s fine. Just as long as another student doesn’t come along with a great big comprehension pin to burst my ego bubble I’ll be just fine.
Anyway, that’s all for this month. Take care, and much love ❤