July 2014: The Beginning is The End is The Beginning

Everybody just wants to be liked and accepted. Except for Tom. Tom Doesn't give a shit
Hello again!
Since my summer holidays began I’ve been on a hard earned rest, which for me involves sleeping late and bumming around the house like a slob. I have set myself very little to do, which is now becoming problematic as I look at the next 2 months and think, “what am I going to do with all this time?”.
So now I’m in job hunt/money-making/productivity mode. My first step: re-entering that hive of scum and villainy known as the “Jobcentre”. I discovered that whilst between college and university I am entitled to sign on and gain the benefits of the unemployed of the United Kingdom. This does require an individual to search for full-time work, but that’s not so much of an issue when I actually am looking for something to do to fill my time until university comes-a-knocking.
Let me in please, I'm not the mighty hunter I thought I was
On the other end of things I’m beginning to get back into writer mode to complete a script and a treatment for a few projects I’ve had on a back burner. My target is to really have these completed by mid-August, but realistically it could be the end of August, which again suits me fine as it’ll keep me busy.
I’ve also been pestering my mother to get a list together of jobs to do around the house before I leave home. So far this has led to cutting down a conifer tree in the front garden, washing down the front door and porch, to just general gardening and cleaning.
Consuella - No No... I Clean Shield Now
So things are getting busy again, and that’s a good thing.
Meanwhile, on the medication front, things have bee a little bit topsey-turvey. My mood has at times been slightly erratic lately, with my mind becoming increasingly more and more difficult to quiet at night, or even during quiet periods during the day. To me these reeks of medication issues – the side effects of reducing medication. I’m currently taking 50mg of Sertraline once at night. The idea was to reduce medication to the point where I’d be taking 50mg every other day before stopping all together. Currently I feel that I’m going to require another month at least on 50mg before considering switching to alternative days.
I’m also feeling uncertain about coming off medication at all. I’ve noticed old habits slipping back in (like sleeping past noon, and requiring sleep during the day) and so I wonder whether it would be beneficial for me to find a equilibrium on a low dose. Perhaps I’m wishful in that 50mg would be sufficient once the chemicals balance out to keep me in check and maybe I’m not wanting to be responsible for a portion of my health, but the other side of this could be that perhaps a reduction was all I needed to alleviate the side effects, and more importantly, perhaps the medication was still doing its job but I no longer noticed the positive physical effects.
So this likely means that I won’t be medication free by the end of august, and possibly not medication free at all this year. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s all a learning experience to figure out what my body needs to cope. Ultimately I’d like to not take medication, but if it had been helping me to maintain a better sleep pattern at the very least then surely I should consider remaining medicated.
Until next time, all of my love ❤️
Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly

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