May – June 2014: Hooked on a Feeling

It’s party time!

 

Yes, that’s right! I have finally returned! My sincerest apologies for the long absence, however the absence was necessary and much needed to allot more time to my studies — WHICH ARE FINALLY OVER!

It's Finally Over

Now all I’m doing is playing the waiting game for results, and hopefully in September I shall be moving onto university, finally! HUZZAH!

But what else has really been going on? In the months since I last wrote I’ve had ups and downs in my relationships, some not really helped by a weekend where I sunk into a deep depression around the end of May/beginning of June. I’m not really sure what triggered it, I think the stress of life just got on top of me, and I just didn’t want to have to deal with fighting my way out of depression. I also have a slight feeling that the reduction in medication may not have helped, however since then I’ve generally been okay, and I’m now on less medication than I was at the time.

From the last update, where I was taking 150mg Sertraline, I’ve now reduced down to 50mg with the intention of switching to every other day before finally stopping – which could be some time next month. I’m feeling a little anxious about this because I am fearful of not taking medication may result in a big relapse, whilst the reduction in medication has seen a reduction of side effects to a manageable level. The point really is that I’m trying to make is I want to try coming off, but maybe the high dosage wasn’t a good idea, and was perhaps something that I needed originally when I began the medication.Sam Winchester Demon Conspiracy

For now, I’ll see where things stand next month. These past few months have been emotionally draining (the loss of my grandfather, my girlfriend’s mother died, and finishing college – losing friends that I’ve made over the last few years to the real world because that’s life), and I struggle with the ideas of loss. I It’s something that has been working its way around my head for maybe 5 years or so, but I understand that one of my biggest issues is the fear of losing people and ending up completely alone. People dying or leaving my life because that’s where their life takes them feels like a frequent occurrence and I’ve never emotionally come to terms with the fact that this is life. I may be able to rationalize it, but the feeling is still there in the back of my mind and in my dreams at night.

 

Yet, with all this upheaval about to occur in my life – moving on from college life to university life, moving to a new city, moving away from friends/family/etc – It’s something that has been a long time coming, a goal that I have planned for and now one that I am likely to achieve, it’s me who is leaving. I’m the one abandoning this community I’ve lived in for so many years. I guess what I’m trying to say is that while I am feeling sad about so much right now, I’m proud that I’ve achieved one of my biggest life goals and am now likely to make it to college. I hope that my perseverance through the past 18 months to make it so far and so well will be making my Grandpa proud right now too.

So after all this time, I think it’s time I stepped things up a good bit around here. Over the summer I’ll be posting bi-monthly (insert childish giggle here) and looking mostly at what it’s like coming of off sertraline entirely. By the end of August I should have stopped entirely so updates will be made on life after sertraline.

So see you in 2 weeks! ❤

If you have a bad thought about yourself tell it to go to hell because that is exactly where it came from

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