There’s not an awful lot to report back this month so this will probably be quite brief.
Firstly, I opened up with “Starbuck” about my trust issues with her – albeit whilst drunk – and then had to have the discussion again the following day. Yay, alcohol! So whilst a lot of it did come out, and come out how I meant, I think some of it may have been lost in translation as I tried to soft-ball the topic the next day, as I was assuming I had been quite tough about it the night before (Yes, I have a patchy memory of how the conversation happened – Yay, alcohol!).
I didn’t want to push her away with me basically saying “I don’t trust you” and make her feel as though I would never be able to trust her, but I also don’t really know how I think this is ever going to truly be resolved. I did read something though, which gave me hope and basically reminded me that trust takes time to build and is relatively easy to destroy. This is something I need to remember; everything needs to be earned.
On a slightly more positive note – After attending an interview at University of Bristol, I was rejected from another one of my 5 university choices. Yup, they just had so many applicants I couldn’t even get a conditional offer from them. That leaves me with 3 conditional offers for September! Yay! I am genuinely happy about this by the way – one of my top choices gave me a conditional offer with no interview, as well as a back up university, and after being interviewed I received a conditional offer from my home city’s university. They may not be the three I had envisioned, but my top choice is in there.
Coincidentally I had arranged to go to a UCAS Open Day for my top choice this past week, opting to travel down the night before and crashed on a friend’s living room floor! It was a good opportunity to see where I may be living the next 3-4 years, and get a feel as to what the department and university was like for my course. Having spent the best part of a day there I think I can safely say that I’ve made the right choice, as the facilities, lecturers, and campus are all incredible, but now I’m feeling the pressure as the grades I need to get there are quite high.
Under BTEC grading – which is based on a Pass, Merit, Distinction-based system – I need to secure 3 Distinctions from my course. This is equivalent to scoring 3 As at A-Level. Currently I’m projected 2 Distinctions and a Merit, which they won’t let me in with. On the other hand I’m doing well enough that I should be able to improve my grades to get me to where I need to be. This, of course, means learning how to focus and do work again, which has eluded me so much this year.
But, I am hopeful. I think having experienced the university in the flesh and now completely understanding what I want out of my education will give me the determination to succeed. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am, the goal of course being able to leave home, but to also do something with my life that I enjoy. With this now within sight I feel if I don’t get to leave this city then I’m sure as hell going to die trying.
Until next time…