March 2014: The Song Remains The Same

That Fish Cray

There’s not an awful lot to report back this month so this will probably be quite brief.

Drinking - This is what it feels likeFirstly, I opened up with “Starbuck” about my trust issues with her – albeit whilst drunk – and then had to have the discussion again the following day. Yay, alcohol! So whilst a lot of it did come out, and come out how I meant, I think some of it may have been lost in translation as I tried to soft-ball the topic the next day, as I was assuming I had been quite tough about it the night before (Yes, I have a patchy memory of how the conversation happened – Yay, alcohol!).

I didn’t want to push her away with me basically saying “I don’t trust you” and make her feel as though I would never be able to trust her, but I also don’t really know how I think this is ever going to truly be resolved. I did read something though, which gave me hope and basically reminded me that trust takes time to build and is relatively easy to destroy. This is something I need to remember; everything needs to be earned.

Putin - Deal With It

On a slightly more positive note – After attending an interview at University of Bristol, I was rejected from another one of my 5 university choices. Yup, they just had so many applicants I couldn’t even get a conditional offer from them. That leaves me with 3 conditional offers for September! Yay! I am genuinely happy about this by the way – one of my top choices gave me a conditional offer with no interview, as well as a back up university, and after being interviewed I received a conditional offer from my home city’s university. They may not be the three I had envisioned, but my top choI don't always have time to study, but when I do, I don'tice is in there.

Coincidentally I had arranged to go to a UCAS Open Day for my top choice this past week, opting to travel down the night before and crashed on a friend’s living room floor! It was a good opportunity to see where I may be living the next 3-4 years, and get a feel as to what the department and university was like for my course. Having spent the best part of a day there I think I can safely say that I’ve made the right choice, as the facilities, lecturers, and campus are all incredible, but now I’m feeling the pressure as the grades I need to get there are quite high.

Under BTEC grading – which is based on a Pass, Merit, Distinction-based system – I need to secure 3 Distinctions from my course. This is equivalent to scoring 3 As at A-Level. Currently I’m projected 2 Distinctions and a Merit, which they won’t let me in with. On the other hand I’m doing well enough that I should be able to improve my grades to get me to where I need to be. This, of course, means learning how to focus and do work again, which has eluded me so much this year.

But, I am hopeful. I think having experienced the university in the flesh and now completely understanding what I want out of my education will give me the determination to succeed. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am, the goal of course being able to leave home, but to also do something with my life that I enjoy. With this now within sight I feel if I don’t get to leave this city then I’m sure as hell going to die trying.

Until next time…

Oglaf - Princling


February 2014: February Stars

 Obscene Gesture Alert

February was tough. On top of struggling to focus in college I saw the deterioration of my grandfather and ultimately his passing. He was 88. He lived to a good age, and he’d be the first to tell you he never expected to live this long, but unlike the deaths of my father’s parents, the loss of my Grandpa hit me harder because his mind never gave out. He was still engaging, he was still joking and laughing, he was still himself.

When my paternal grandparents passed away they were both suffering from Alzheimer’s and dementia. I knew that their passing meant they were finally at peace and they were no longer suffering. I didn’t feel that way about my Grandpa; he was only really suffering in his final days as his body began to give up. Whilst his heart, kidneys, and lungs began to give out he was still participating in a conversation. One of the final things he said was in response to a nurse who asked him, “How are you today, Mr. Smith?” His reply? “Still breathing.”

He faced death with a sense of humour and strength that many dream of. I’m going to miss my Grandpa.

Insert funny cat pic before things get too melancholic...
Insert funny cat pic before things get too melancholic…

February was also the month where I finally collected my friend Matt’s pool table from his former home. Before he passed away last year he said he would like me to have it. As there was never a written will I didn’t want to push the family for it, and actually never mentioned it to anyone aside from close family and friends. So when his mother contacted me saying she was selling the old house and wanted to pass on the table to somebody close to Matt I leapt at the chance to take it. Sadly, between my Grandpa’s illness, college, and the wettest winter on record, getting to the point where we could take the table was extremely challenging and stressful. Waterproofing a space, hiring a van, getting people to come and help… It was all very stressful. However the upshot is I now know that his table is safe and will now be cared for.

I want to end on a big positive that has happened to me this month. Long time readers will be well aware that I have a long-term goal of leaving my home in Coventry for pastures new. I’ve been looking to achieve that goal either through working or through education. As it turns out, my hard work in education seems to be paying off and I’ve now received 2 conditional offers from 4 of the universities I was hoping to hear from – with one more potentially coming about after an interview in a few weeks! I did receive one rejection, but I’m not letting that get to me! I have two offers from two universities that aren’t local to me. I’m finally going to get to leave, guys! I really couldn’t be happier about this. Now all I need to do is use this to focus back into the course, get through the final stretch, and get the grades I need to get to where I need to be.

Much love.

Romantic corny and dirty minded