Hey everybody! So I guess it has been a while, huh?
I’ve been struggling to motivate myself with this diary for a while so today’s entry will be about catching up on the top stories of the month…
- I’m still a jobless bum, although I’m still a jobless student bum after receiving my grades unexpectedly (equivalent to A* at A-Level) and re-enrolled at college for the final year (but only after learning that the 2nd year students have to re-enroll even though the head of the Media department denied this was the case).
- I’ve been more aware of my struggle with sleep, finding that I wake up throughout the night. I genuinely can’t recall the last time I slept through the night.
- My brother joined my gym. We’ve found ourselves motivating each other to go regularly and have averaged 3 trips per week at a minimum. I was also weighed in this month and discovered I’ve lost 7kgs and my other vitals are all within a decent norm.
- I met “Starbucks” husband this weekend. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
Overall, psychologically speaking, my mood has been fine. I’ve not noticed any feelings of depression, but I have seen an increase in my anxiety. I don’t think this is due to anything in particular, but like other occasion it’s probably due to a lot of factors that playing on my mind (for some examples see the list above).
I’ve also mentioned that I’ve been lacking motivation, but the truth is I’ve actually felt quite unsettled and have found it difficult to sit down and concentrate for long periods. I wanted to finish a few scripts and to read a book over the course of the break from college, but have yet to complete either of those tasks. I’m not even feeling disappointed about that, I’m just entirely aware that I feel on edge a lot lately.
I think what I’m also very aware of is how confined I feel at home, with most of my friends/peers now living more independently than I am. I silently set myself a goal a few months back that after I finish college next year, either through going to university or going into the workplace that I will move out or away from this city. I’ve even found myself telling friends that without realizing that this is what I want now – my independence.