Week 67 – St. Anxious

Metallicat

So this is another kind of rehash of last week’s entry, or atleast an update.

I probably shouldn’t continue to moan, seeing as I’ve basically slept the last 2 years away, but the lack of sleep is killing me. It’s been fantastic to wake up at a reasonable time every day, but when it’s waking after less than 4 hours of solid sleep it’s just depressing. It’s also not helping that becoming anxious before bed is keeping me awake long into the night.

The GP says it could be a side effect of quitting smoking a few weeks ago, but to be honest my anxiety during the day isn’t that much different to how it was prior to the medication changes and I didn’t have a heavy addiction unlike some smokers.

So my own train of thought says there are only 2 possible reasons why I’m finding myself becoming anxious before sleep:

1)      The medication hasn’t begun compensating for anxiety yet

2)      The medication can’t compensate for anxiety.

This makes me anxious.

Ok, poor joke. If the new drugs won’t help with anxiety it’s no big problem. It’s kind of interesting to be a little off the reservation, it almost feels like what my life might be like without medication. In a zombie apocalypse I’d have to find some way to cope, it’s not like the pharmaceutical industry would continue to spew out more drugs… Then again, it is the pharmaceutical industry…

Wait a second... It's a trap!

In any case, maybe putting more responsibility on myself to manage without chemical intervention in itself may help to improve my life overall. Sure, maybe the result is a lack of sleep overall, but until it comes to a point where I can no longer sleep at all maybe I can learn to cope with it.

So I’ll continue to take the pills and hope that the anxiety subsides as time goes on. If it doesn’t, maybe it won’t be as much of a problem as I think it could be and will actually be a turning point with my issues.

Baby - Stand back guys, I got this shit

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Weeks 65 & 66 – Smoking Cigarettes and Watching Captain Kangaroo

apostrophe - catastrophe

Apologies for the gap. With last week being a holiday I found myself rather busy, and also quite hungover. I’m getting too old to drink – it takes me far too long to recover! On the bright side of a hideous hangover I decided to quite smoking (again) and have now lasted a week. It has actually been relatively easier going this time round than previously, although I’m off out tonight which may be the test to see how well I actually do. That being said, drinking makes it worse so I’ve sworn off the booze for the foreseeable future until I get this whole quitting malarkey down.

Sigh.

It’s just such a shame smoking is so bad for your health and so expensive. I bloody love a good smoke I do.

Pulp Fiction - Motherfucker

In other news…

I’ve been on sertraline alone for 2 weeks now, and so far am finding it better, although the side effects are fairly horrendous. I feel nauseous most mornings and evenings, but I’m trying to work out if that is actually a side effect or a result of anxiety levels rising. I say that because sleep has been difficult lately, and I’ve barely managed to sleep through a single night without waking up after a few hours or having a lot of difficulty getting to sleep. It’s nice to be on the other side of the coin after 2 years of sedative sleep, but not being able to get to sleep really irritates me. It’s more to do with the negative thoughts, the anxious thoughts, which enter into my head more frequently at night now. I’ve been using skills I learnt at CBT last year to help relax and filter out the noise, but I’m finding it insufficient. I’ve now resorted to sleeping with earphones playing relaxing music with CBT to help nod off.

I’d write more, but 1) I don’t want to bore you, and 2) I’ve been finding it hard to sit down and concentrate on much of anything. I’ve got a pile of assignments I need to finish by next week and have had 3 weeks to get it done. It’s probably just me being a lazy sod, but the anxiety at the minute, whilst not entirely crippling, is certainly distracting.

Until next time…

Pics 009