I’m gonna cut quickly to the chase this week. I’ve had a lot of mood swings this week. I’ve gone from being incredibly happy to being incredibly irritable or low. This has lead to a variety of conflicts within the home, although I’m happy to say that I understand when I am being unfair or out of order, and will apologise after the event for my behaviour. Which shows how much more mature I am compared to some of my friends and family. But I’m not going to rag on them. Wankers.
Regardless, my emotional rollercoaster of a week has made me realise that the medication I’ve been on for the past 20 months is not really doing the job it should be. I spoke at the start of the year about how I’m still struggling with sleep, the sedative effect mirtazapine has on my body, and how difficult it is to wake up. I’ve begun to notice a pattern with the sedative effect of the medication, with incidents occurring more frequently around times of stress. Earlier this week, after several days of stress trying to submit assignments for college, I slept for 15 hours with experiences of vivid dreams and restlessness. This meant I missed college that day. I can’t afford to miss college, and I think it’s time I either came of medication completely, or move onto something else. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my GP to review my treatment, so I’ll see what they recommend. I think I would prefer to come off the medication and onto something else entirely as I’m fairly certain the cause of my anxiety and depression is a chemical imbalance.
Anyway, I’ve sacked off a lot of my college work this week after the submissions in favour of gym time. I managed to get in 4 times this week which has left my body feeling tired, but productive. I’m off college for the next week now, which means I’ve got time to catch up on some of the assignments I fell behind on over January, but also frees up more gym time. The gym has probably been the most helpful thing that I’ve been doing since my friend died. It’s given me something to leave the house for, but also a sense of accomplishment. I’ve noticed a bit of weight loss, I tried on an old pair of jeans that a few months ago I wouldn’t have fit into, now there’s room and a lot of change. This has probably given me the biggest boost this month to my morale. It shows that if I put my mind to something, slowly but surely I’ll accomplish my goals.
So that’s about it really. I’m just trying to get on with life. We don’t see eye to eye, but we’ve got to try.
OH! I almost forgot! That blog thing I’ve wanted to write for my friend? I finally managed to do it. You can read it here.
See you all next week.