Weeks 54 & 55

So I had to take a break last week and not write an update. I’m also writing this earlier because I think I need to get things out, so this is going to be 2 posts in 1. Things have been pretty bad these past few weeks, so fair warning:

 If you might be susceptible to certain “triggers”, this one’s going to be the mother load. Get out of here, and come back next week.

If you’re still here, I thank you, and I’m sorry if there’s anything contained here too distressing.

This week my best friend died.

He was admitted into a hospice last week, after having begun intravenous chemotherapy to treat the 2 tumours in his head. Unfortunately, not long afterwards, he began to rapidly deteriorate and within a matter of days he had reached a point where he was unable to be cared for at home. He was admitted to the hospice on Tuesday 8th; on Wednesday 9th he was told that there was nothing more the doctors could do for him and that he had weeks to months left. They began giving him sedatives to help him relax, and this left him extremely exhausted and tired all the time. On Friday 11th they said he only had days, if not weeks left to live. Nurses began giving him medication to help with the pain in his arm, and as a result he slept a lot and communicated very little.

On the Saturday, 47 people came out to see him. 47. People who he had grown up with, people he’d not seen for years – they all came to see him and to wish him the best. His sister’s boyfriend proposed to her at his bedside, and my friend gave his blessing. He also chose the name of the baby girl they were expecting as well.

I visited him every day bar Thursday. It was quite possibly the hardest difficult thing I have ever gone through.

On the Saturday, his girlfriend brought a package up with her that he had ordered for me. He and I had spoken a few days before Christmas, and again on New Years Eve about a book he’d seen on Amazon called “How to Tell If Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You”. I mentioned to him I had that book on my Amazon wish list and had wanted to read it, but no one had bought it for me. I had initially thought it was the Christmas present he gave me when we exchanged gifts just before Christmas, it turned out he had bought me something else thinking that I wouldn’t be interested in the book. He had, however, realised whilst talking to me that it was actually the perfect Christmas present to get me. I hadn’t fished for him to buy it for me, but I knew something was going on when he mentioned it again on New Years. When is girlfriend gave the package to me I found the receipt still inside, dated 31st December 2012.

That was the type of person he was, always thinking about other people before himself.

He passed away on Wednesday 16th January, surrounded by his girlfriend, his mum, dad, grandparents, and brother and sister. He was 26 years old.

I’m going to miss him so much.

The world is a worse place without him here.


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