So here it is, the first post of the new year!
I decided to keep to the “Week + Number” format, I thought it serves a good reminder of the blog’s roots, but also as a good way to track the blog, chronologically speaking.
Anyhow… New Year! Happy New Year, everyone! I hope you all had a fantastic time this holiday period and are ready for 2013! Yaaaaay!!!
Yeah, this holiday was a struggle. For those who are just joining us, just weeks before Christmas my best friend was diagnosed with a second tumour in his brain (with the outlook looking bleak), another family member was diagnosed with bowel cancer, my grandfather had a reoccurrence of skin cancer, and my own father (who suffers from Multiple Sclerosis) came down with pneumonia just before New Year.
So things have been a little hairy. Fortunately everyone is alive (and for the most part) well. I ended up ringing in the New Year with my best friend and his girlfriend in a rather subdued event which involved drinking world beers and watching TV. Yup, we rang in the New Year like actual grown ups. This makes me slightly depressed, but considering how things have been not just for him, but for everything else that’s been going on lately, it was nice to be able to do something and not really go too crazy. So no drunken adventures and home by 1.
Which was nice.
So in other news – Life (aside from the illnesses mentioned above) has been pretty good to me. I’ve got no conflicts or issues going into the New Year, and all I’ve really been dealing with is my own issues like the chatter in my mind.
To reiterate what I’ve previously written about this; I don’t hear voices, I’m not schizophrenic, I’m talking about the noise of thoughts, feelings/emotions that occasionally run rampant. I used to believe that this was something unique to me, in much the same way that I used to believe that the depression I was feeling was some how false, but this is in fact something quite common not just with people with anxiety or depression, but actual ordinary people experience this too!
I know – MIND = BLOWN!
So for me (and other people out there) a lot of this noise comes just as I’m going to sleep, and prevents me from going to sleep. Over the years I’ve attended various courses which have at one time or another discussed this phenomena and what you can do as an individual to alleviate the problem.
So some say that the best way is to quiet the mind, empty your mind and relax both your mind and body. Which is easier said than done. So then the next step is to address those thoughts/feelings and rationalise them. Again, easier said than done.
This is, however, how I have learnt to deal with negative thoughts/feelings/emotions. Lately, because of my own academic failings these past few weeks, the negative thoughts have been striking with a vengeance with the worst of it all coming at night. This often leads to me not nodding off for several hours, which (if you have kept up with this diary at all will know) leads to me not getting to sleep until 5am some nights. This also coupled with the sedative effect of my medication leaves me unable to fully function lately until late afternoon.
This fucking blows.
I moan about my medication and the side effects I encounter a lot here, and how sleep has become this nightmarish love/hate relationship – I love my sleep, but I hate how much sleep I seem to get (it’s either not enough or too much).
One year on from starting this diary it is still a huge problem for me. Unfortunately it’s either this or change medication, and I really don’t want to change medication this late into the game.
So I want to know your medication/side effects story. Have you experienced problems with medication? Have you dealt with you mental health problems with/without medication? Let me know in the comments section below.