Week 29

So I’ve spent the last 24 hours trying to think how I was going to approach this addition to the blog. I’ve not had the best week, in fact I’ve slipped pretty much back to how I was a few weeks ago, which I put down to several incidents last week coupled with my generally low mood. What I wanted to really do this week was address what happened in Aurora, Colorado this week.

If you’ve kept up with this blog you’d know that I’m British, and I’m a bit of a geek. I love science fiction, I love some fantasy stuff too, and I also enjoy my comic books. I wrote several weeks ago that I was trying to motivate myself by having things to look forward to being released at the cinema, things like The Avengers, Prometheus, The Amazing Spider-Man, and The Dark Knight Rises.

I’m not trying to say that the events that occurred in Aurora, Colorado triggered some deep depression in me, but it has certainly made me more reflective about my situation. Late last night the names and ages of those that were killed were released, and the majority of whom were around my age. These were kids, like me, who had been looking forward to this film and had gone to the cinema to escape from the reality of their world for a few hours.

Part of what makes me depressed is the news, which is ironic because I think the news is an important part of life. You need to be informed about the world to make informed decisions about who you vote for in you country’s elections. I believe it is your civic duty to be informed and to participate in elections, but this is not the point. The point is these people who were killed trying to escape from the reality of the world, the sheer craziness of the world around us, suddenly came crashing through the doors guns blazing. I’m sure some of those who were there are now thinking that no where is safe. The cinema is supposed to be one of those places where crime just doesn’t happen. The illusion has been shattered for them, and I think for me too.

This isn’t to say that I’m scared to leave my home out of fear that someone could do that to me too, far from it. I made it my own mission to still go to the cinema on Saturday to see The Dark Knight Rises. Whilst watching it I thought about those that had died in that theatre. They didn’t get to see the film. They’ll never get to see the film. So then I start thinking about my little black dog. I start thinking about how this week I’ve felt so low that I’ve wished that I could die, that someone would come put me out of my misery. I think about how those people didn’t ask for that, and I think about all those things they’ll never get to do. So I guess this is to say that maybe this was a kick in the arse that I needed, that life is so terribly short. That unjust things happen all the time in an unjust world, which is why it’s important for the rest of us to try to make the world as just as possible. If everyone who felt injustice outweighed justice lay down and died the world would be a worse place, so why should I just give up and die? What gives me the right to do that?

We all have that civic duty to try to make the world a better place, to not step over each other for money or power. We all have the right to exist, and we should never forget that. We should never forget that the people who make us feel like we shouldn’t exist are wrong, and those that take steps to make us no longer exist are socially repugnant.

So what am I trying to say? I’m trying to say that the next time I feel like giving up, or the next time I start looking for an escape route, I’m going to try to remember that I have a right to exist. I’m going to try to remember that we only ever get one life to live and we should try to appreciate the good things in the world, because there are good things in this world. Sometimes you need to take a break away from the world, but you don’t need to leave this world.

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So I wanted to end this entry with another picture. Someone on my Twitter stream posted this, and I think it perfectly captures a lot of sentiment in the world at the moment about what happened in Colorado, and what should really happen from here in terms of gun legislation and regulation. I think it also captures a lot of my mood as well. I’ve always felt that if I had lived in a country where gun control wasn’t as restrictive as it is in The U.K that I would have definitely attempted to kill myself with a gun. So this image sums up how I feel about guns somewhat, and about fighting for my own survival in a world that feels fairly unjust at times. Thanks for reading.

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