This week seems to have flown by! Not a lot to report back on. My mood has generally been a lot more stable this week. I’ve also managed to keep myself relatively busier this week with going to the gym, the final session at Mindfulness, and going to London for a day. My sleep continues to be an issue. Oversleeping is still a regular occurrence, but I also had a bout of insomnia the night before going to London. I think this was more to do with issues I generally have with a) public transport and b)London. It seems to have been a one off event, but it has had a knock on effect. I was out cold until the late afternoon yesterday, which has shifted my sleep pattern to a later time (I am currently writing this at 2.40a.m!), and is so now making things slightly more difficult.
In other news…
I’ve been trying to use Mindfulness techniques more regularly this week to deal with negative thoughts. The negative/suicidal thoughts are the biggest internal issue, and mindfulness seems to be helping to keep them at bay. What I have been doing is challenging my thoughts more, for example; if I think someone has a negative opinion of me I ask myself why that is. How do I know they have a negative opinion of me? Other examples are of thoughts that say, “You’re shit!” “You don’t deserve to be alive!” which are being tackled by either challenging why I think that is, or just letting them slip by. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? It’s really not. That was probably the most simplistic way I could say what I was doing internally, but it is hard work. I’ve got 6 weeks before a catch up session with Mindfulness is due, so the idea is to take what I’ve learnt in the 12 sessions and put them into practice. What I will need to do is read through the notes that I’ve picked up since starting it just to help refresh myself on it.
Looking ahead for the next few months I’ve got a lot on. With college enrolment 6 weeks away I need to be getting in touch with student finances to see what I am entitled to. My family has also put our home up for sale, so there will be a big move within the next few months. I have no idea how well that is going to go. I would really prefer to be able to move out by myself (I think I’d take a bedsit at this rate), but the costs are astronomical. I’m also unsure of how well I’d cope living alone, but I also don’t have any options to move in with friends so moving with the family is the only choice. Maybe with student services I could enquire as to whether I am entitled to any support with moving out, but I highly doubt it.