I just found myself scoffing at the revelation that this past week was week 13 (unlucky for some), however I’ve always made a point of rising above this superstition. Lottery ticket – always play a number 13 on the line. Friday 13th – Do something that contradicts the superstition (as with the work experience interview back in January). I had no idea this previous week was week 13, I could probably have deduced this after posting last week’s blog. I am not, however, a superstitious man and I’ll fight against superstitions where ever I may find them. In retrospect if I was a superstitious man, this last week’s problems would have been blamed on it being week 13 of the New Year.
I am, though, a firm believer in taking responsibility for your own actions. Whilst this past week has been another relatively average week, I met up with my cousin from the north for a catch up. Being this the first opportunity to take him out in my town, we met up with some of my friends to have an alcohol fueled night. The night went fairly well, we laughed and joked. It was overall great. Then he threw up and got ejected from the pub we’d settled into for the night. Luckily I knew the bouncers and convinced them to let him back in, promising I’d make sure he wouldn’t do anything stupid again. If that was it for the night I’d say we had a good night out. However alcohol took hold. We both ended up having a very deep conversation for a few hours about family and whatnot, which I’d prefer not to go into details here, but which left a very sour taste in my mouth. There were things we spoke about in detail we shouldn’t speak about. Among them I told him about the state of my mental health. It’s something that’s always in the back of my mind whenever speaking to family as to whether they know what I’ve been dealing with these last few years, and so it’s always something that comes to the forefront when I’ve drunk too much. I’m hoping that considering the amount we drank that at least he’ll have forgotten details of the night and remember it as a good night out with his cousin. I on the other hand wish I couldn’t remember what we discussed because of how it makes me feel now. I feel that by speaking about the things we spoke about it made me weaker in his eyes. I feel like I made him uncomfortable that night by discussing the topics we covered. I also feel like I have no self control with alcohol. So in retrospect maybe that night was a good thing in making me realise how difficult it is for me to maintain control under the influence, as well as the psychological repercussions days after.
I mentioned last week that after a conversation with my GP that I was contemplating giving up the sauce for good. To me this reaffirmed it. I’ve drank once since, which was on Sunday. I went back to the bar in town for a night of wrestling with a friend. The pub had laid on a pub quiz to fill out the night, which we took part in and eventually won. He talked me into a celebratory beer, to which I agreed, and that’s all she wrote. We had a good night and I remained sober. I may not have appreciated the neurological effects the next day, but I felt it was a small victory. My next social engagement is Friday and I’m hoping I can remain sober throughout that.
You already know that I want to stop because of the psychological effects, but it’s also to do with my own weight issue. I’ve been overweight most of my life. The only time where I ever seemed to drop some weight was 5 years ago where I stopped drinking for 3 months. At the time I was on a few types of medication which would have been affected my intake of any alcohol. The photos I have from then are some of the best pictures of me (in my own opinion). Weight has been a source of my depression in the past, so much so I don’t think anyone really knows that it has been. One of my goals this year is to fight the flab. To that means I’ve signed up for Active for Health (which begins next week), and trying to focus on making better choices on what I eat. The latter part hasn’t fared so well. Factoring in giving up the booze will hopefully increase any chance of losing some weight. So… fingers crossed, eh?
There’s not much more to really say. I’m going to try and pull the write up of this blog back to a Monday, so expect another update hopefully by then next week. With Mindfulness beginning tomorrow I should hopefully have something to say about that in the next update. Anyway, thanks for stopping by.