Weeks 2 – 3 – 4

Once again I’ve slacked off on updating this blog, and for that I apologise. More to myself than to anyone in particular judging by the amount of views I receive here, but that’s not a problem. I have been for the most part these past weeks incredibly busy. I say these past weeks; this week has been relatively lazy.

To expedite things I’m going to condense this into one post. Week 2 was a relatively empty week. Between a friend’s birthday and my own mother’s I really struggled with motivating myself to do anything. I did however manage to galvanize myself on both these occasions. It was extremely hard, and not really many close to me know just how difficult it was to leave the house for these events. I can honestly say there was no outside interference, it was all me. I made the choice to go do these things, to put on a brave face, and I rather enjoyed it too.

I think by taking these leaps it has helped me to make other choices more easily. Friday the 13th was upon me, and I was quite determined not to let that day be a curse on me. So on that day I finally got the nerve to return to the Citizens Advice Bureau. I went there with a stronger determination than I’ve ever felt about it, and managed to get a lot of my issues in order. To that end I’ve now got an appointment next week to deal with my financial situation.

Friday 13th also got me my first job in nearly a year. A friend of mine helped me out with that. She recommended me to her producer on a television show she’s been working on in Bristol. They were short staffed and needed to get back on track within a week in their Art Department. I’d already spoken to her the week before about looking to get into Film & TV by doing a college course. When she called I nearly said no. To be honest, I wasn’t sure enough of myself to go through with it. I wasn’t sure I’d be reliable enough, let alone if my skills were up to task with the other staff. I am, however, glad I said yes. I loved the idea of getting some experience, and I loved the idea of putting my art skills to use to spite what my art teachers from school had said about me pursuing and artistic future. I didn’t particularly mind the idea of not being paid a lot either, as I’ve said the experience would more than compensate. It was amazing though to hear that I would be getting a short paid gig to work in an art department of a television show!

Whilst I don’t want to particularly go into details, the experience was incredible. Seeing how a show is put together behind the scenes is a mind blowing experience. Forget any bonus features you see on a DVD/Blu-Ray, the work that gets done is fantastic! The personalities that are running around are somewhat concussive at times, but it really is another world. I’ve worked in a lot of environments over the year, and I genuinely thought I had met all the personalities I’d ever meet. It was a kind of welcome relief to meet people who didn’t meet my expectations at all.

The work environment was great, and whilst the tasks I was given were by admission of the Producers and Supervisors around me “monotonous”, I certainly appreciated being given the opportunity to experience this line of work.

Which leads me into week 4. This week has been relatively quiet. I think I wanted a quiet week more so to reflect on last week, and try to come to terms with where my life would be going after this. As I mentioned earlier I had been thinking about enrolling in college for September to begin a Film & TV course. 2 weeks ago I discovered there was an open day at one of my local colleges for this. The open day was the Wednesday just gone.

Wednesday was quite a hectic day for me in terms of appointments to meet. In the morning I was meeting with my Jobs Advisor/Government Pawn at the Jobcentre to begin claiming Jobseekers Allowance again. I mentioned to them I had been thinking of enrolling later in the year, and this was met with contempt. I left feeling rather deflated, as if there was no future for me anywhere. By the time I’d arrived home I was feeling down, but between a quick lunch and heading out for my next appointment I began to feel angry. Not at my situation, but at the people around me; more specifically towards the government. How dare these people tell me that I have no future in being educated? I began to revile them in a way I had never before. I would do as I please, and not at the pleasure of anyone else. It was an epiphany, I wouldn’t care about what anyone else thought of me anymore, it was time to take care of myself and reach my full potential.

After my appointment in the afternoon with CBT I bused it over to the college. By chance my mother had just finished a meeting in the area and had called me to see if I was attending. I had just gotten off the bus. We agreed to meet inside, and to be honest once more, I was glad to be given the time alone with the tutors. The more time I spent with them talking about the course the more I realised how much I wanted to be on that course. I wanted to study for another 2 years. I wanted to be able to walk away with a qualification, and I wanted the chance to be able to go to university and make a career out of something I enjoy.

After that meeting I applied for the course. It’s by no means a sure thing. I’ve still got to get past the interview stage, and then in August I need to sign up to it on a first come first served basis. There are only 15 places in the class. If I don’t get on it, I could get on the reserved list. I don’t want to be a reserve. I want that course, and I’m going to make damn sure nothing gets in my way between here and August, and the 2 years after that.

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